Is it Love or Toxic Love?

Here's an article I found that might help in figuring out whether someone's relationship with a significant other is doing one good.

I've had a lot of counseling sessions about L-O-V-E and one thing that I never forget to ask the counselee is whether the relationship they have with their loved one always (or generally) bring out the best in him/her. This article below somehow supports my views on the kind of love that a person should have, not because of societal standards but mainly because each person deserves to be truly loved.

A short list of the characteristics of Love vs. toxic love (compiled with the help of the work of Melody Beattie & Terence Gorski.)

1. Love - Development of self first priority.
Toxic love - Obsession with relationship.

2. Love - Room to grow, expand; desire for other to grow.
Toxic love - Security, comfort in sameness; intensity of need seen as proof of love (may really be fear, insecurity, loneliness)

3. Love - Separate interests; other friends; maintain other meaningful relationships.
Toxic love - Total involvement; limited social life; neglect old friends, interests.

4. Love - Encouragement of each other's expanding; secure in own worth.
Toxic love - Preoccupation with other's behavior; fear of other changing.

5. Love - Appropriate Trust (i.e. trusting partner to behave according to fundamental nature.)
Toxic love - Jealousy; possessiveness; fear of competition; protects "supply."

6. Love - Compromise, negotiation or taking turns at leading. Problem solving together.
Toxic love - Power plays for control; blaming; passive or aggressive manipulation.

7. Love - Embracing of each other's individuality.
Toxic love - Trying to change other to own image.

8. Love - Relationship deals with all aspects of reality.
Toxic love - Relationship is based on delusion and avoidance of the unpleasant.

9. Love - Self-care by both partners; emotional state not dependent on other's mood.
Toxic love - Expectation that one partner will fix and rescue the other.

10. Love - Loving detachment (healthy concern about partner, while letting go.)
Toxic love - Fusion (being obsessed with each other's problems and feelings.)

11. Love - Sex is free choice growing out of caring & friendship.
Toxic love - Pressure around sex due to insecurity, fear & need for immediate gratification.

12. Love - Ability to enjoy being alone.
Toxic love - Unable to endure separation; clinging.

13. Love - Cycle of comfort and contentment.
Toxic love - Cycle of pain and despair.

Love is not supposed to be painful. There is pain involved in any relationship but if it is painful most of the time then something is not working.

{source}

A More Relaxed and Light Travel

Husband and I are going on a short trip tomorrow and for the first time, we are traveling light.

Define traveling light. We are only bringing 1 DSLR with a Flash, 1 Point and Shoot Cam, 1 Tripod and 1 Handycam. We won't be bringing a 2nd DSLR, our Lomography cameras and...(drum roll please)...the laptop!!!! When I realized we won't be bringing the laptop, I'd have to admit that I felt kinda scared. I can live without the internet but I'm worried about not being able to download our photos as soon as we arrive in the hotel after a long day of exploring and shooting. That's just me being paranoid hehe.

However, the Husband and I have agreed that it's about time that we do a more relaxed and light traveling (a.k.a. not bringing all our gadgets) for once. Ang una ngang dare ay wag magdala ng DSLR, point and shoot lang. But with the kind of P&S we own right now, hindi umubra.

Why are we doing this? Simply because, we've been wanting to have a vacation wherein we won't have too much "photographing" to do. Our travels in 2008 were very well-documented and well-organized that we explored and took photographs of every corner of every place. But this time, we are looking forward to a more relaxed vacation--in the sense that we won't have to click the camera every minute and we won't have to be stressing too much on packing gears whenever we go out. I swear, hindi talaga biro ang mag-travel na may photography ka pang iniisip.

A more relaxed vacation also means that we don't have much of an agenda on this trip. We have two scheduled dinners (one was because we needed to reserve and the second was we're meeting a friend) and a musical to watch (which we needed to buy tickets in advance). Other than that, we don't have any planned itinerary---I don't even have an idea where we'll have my birthday dinner! The only plan we have is that WE WILL FOLLOW OUR SENSES, wherever our feet takes us, whenever we see something that will interest us, that's where will go.

And guess what? It's already 5:00pm now and we're leaving tomorrow and I haven't packed anything yet. Since we won't be gone long, we won't be bringing much clothes too. The only thing I got ready right now are our tickets and booking confirmations for the trip. Yay me for being so relaxed! hehe.

Weekend Snapshot: 3-in-1 Party! :)

Housewarming Party.

Anniversary Party.

Birthday Party.

All in one day!

Saturday was spent with our couple friends as we officially welcomed them in to our home and to celebrate our 2nd wedding anniversary and my birthday (both occassions happening this week!). 

The Husband and I were so happy to seem them all---it's been a long time since we've had an occasion where everyone was there.

We had a great time catching up, laughing our heart's out, playing with babies David, Caleb and Joaquim, playing Wii and of course, eating. :)

For more photos: Click here.

weekend-snapshot

A Trip Down To Memory Lane

The Husband has finally converted our wedding AVPs into MP4. These have been uploaded in youtube and vimeo but because we are celebrating our 2nd anniversary week, I'm sharing these videos with you my dear friends in the blogosphere.

There were three AVPS that were shown on our wedding day.

The first one was a tribute to our parents which showed our baby to adult photos. The song used was "Thanks to You" which truly describes how much we are grateful for the love our parents have given us. We love them so much, without them we are nothing.

The second AVP consisted of two songs: (1) Accidentally Inlove and (2) At the Beginning. The first song was a tribute to our friends and the second was our prenup photos taken by Mel Cortez. If you are a close friend ours, you might see yourself here.

The two songs in this AVP were both from two famous cartoon movies, "Shrek" and "Anastacia" respectively. Was it intentional? Yes and no. Yes because we wanted two songs that had a common denominator and no because it so happened that those two were really our favorites and best speaks of how we are as a couple.

Chris and Ivy Prenup AVP from Ibyang Sanchez on Vimeo.

And the last one, shown at the last bit of our wedding programme, the grand finale.

It was the Onsite AVP showcasing the events that happened from pre-wedding preps at the hotel to the Church ceremony.

These three videos will always remind us how far we've come, how much we have grown as individuals and to finally facing life together as a couple.