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Tuesday, May 12, 2009

How Will I Know If I Met The Person I Should Marry

Taken from the book "REAL LOVE" by Nadja B.

The choice of a marriage partner should not be based on "I get a warm, wonderful feeling whenever we're together and I want to have that warm wonderful feeling forever, so
let's go get married".

Feelings, as we have discussed, have no logic on their own. They need to be acknowledged, of course, but they need considerable assistance from your brain.

Marriage means choosing the person you will spend the rest of you life with. This, as you may have guessed, is a very long time to spend with one person. This person will live with you, eat meals with you, sleep with you, and go on vacation with you. More important yet, this person will share your children.

You need to choose wisely. The decision should not be made based on feelings
alone. You need to ask yourself some tough questions. The decisions have to be made on solid considerations.

Will this person be a good partner?

Is she mature enough to put her own selfish desires aside to look out for what is best for the family?

Is he prepared to be a good provider?

What is his track record? Is he responsible enough to get a good job and keep it?

Will this person be a good parent?

Can you stand the thought of your children turning out exactly like this person? They will, you know. Children spend a lot of time with their parents and consequently pick up many or most of their parents' character traits. You had better like your spouse's traits a lot because you will be seeing them again in your children.

If something were to happen to you, would you completely trust this person, alone, with the task of raising and forming your children? This is not a pleasant thought, but it is an important consideration.

Not everyone dies at a ripe old age with great grandchildren gathered around
the bed. Sometimes a parent dies and leaves young children in the care of the other parent. If you feel that you would need to be around to correct or lessen this
person's influence on your children, then you are considering the wrong person.

Does this person share your faith in God? God does not give us children so that we can mold them into the coolest, most popular people in school. Our job is to get them to heaven. To do that, we need to raise them believing in God and in His Church. It is tough to do that if only one parent believes.

Saying "this is right and this is wrong, and I want you to ignore Mommy until you are thirty-five" does not work.

Small children ask about eight skillion questions in a single day. The answers to those questions go a long way toward forming the kind of adults they will become. Who will be answering those questions for your children?

Does this person you are marrying have sexual self-control?

Single people sometimes have this idea that marriage is just some kind of lifelong
sex festival and that as long as they have each other, they will never be tempted by other people. Wrong! There are many times in every marriage when one partner or the other is sexually unavailable. There are also times when spouses, just get on each others nerves.

At times like this, other people can seem very appealing. That can be dangerous, because there are plenty of very attractive people out there who are willing to make them available to married men and women.

Do you want someone who has never said "no" to sex? If he is not good at saying "no" at eighteen, it won't be different at forty. Do you want to worry about whether or not your spouse is being faithful?

What kind of marriage can you have with someone you couldn't trust on a business trip?

These are very important questions, and if you are not comfortable with all of the answers, you should definitely not marry this person.

None if this is to say that feelings play no role at all in a marriage decision. You don't have to, "Well, I suppose that you would make a good spouse and parent, so even though I don't particularly like you I guess I'll marry you'.

You need to be happy and excited about the prospect of spending your life with someone. Your brain however must acknowledge that this person is a good catch. Don't listen to your heart alone or your head alone. Wait until your heart and head agree.

Image: Our Wedding Bears photo by Ibyang.