Is it Love or Toxic Love?

Here's an article I found that might help in figuring out whether someone's relationship with a significant other is doing one good.

I've had a lot of counseling sessions about L-O-V-E and one thing that I never forget to ask the counselee is whether the relationship they have with their loved one always (or generally) bring out the best in him/her. This article below somehow supports my views on the kind of love that a person should have, not because of societal standards but mainly because each person deserves to be truly loved.

A short list of the characteristics of Love vs. toxic love (compiled with the help of the work of Melody Beattie & Terence Gorski.)

1. Love - Development of self first priority.
Toxic love - Obsession with relationship.

2. Love - Room to grow, expand; desire for other to grow.
Toxic love - Security, comfort in sameness; intensity of need seen as proof of love (may really be fear, insecurity, loneliness)

3. Love - Separate interests; other friends; maintain other meaningful relationships.
Toxic love - Total involvement; limited social life; neglect old friends, interests.

4. Love - Encouragement of each other's expanding; secure in own worth.
Toxic love - Preoccupation with other's behavior; fear of other changing.

5. Love - Appropriate Trust (i.e. trusting partner to behave according to fundamental nature.)
Toxic love - Jealousy; possessiveness; fear of competition; protects "supply."

6. Love - Compromise, negotiation or taking turns at leading. Problem solving together.
Toxic love - Power plays for control; blaming; passive or aggressive manipulation.

7. Love - Embracing of each other's individuality.
Toxic love - Trying to change other to own image.

8. Love - Relationship deals with all aspects of reality.
Toxic love - Relationship is based on delusion and avoidance of the unpleasant.

9. Love - Self-care by both partners; emotional state not dependent on other's mood.
Toxic love - Expectation that one partner will fix and rescue the other.

10. Love - Loving detachment (healthy concern about partner, while letting go.)
Toxic love - Fusion (being obsessed with each other's problems and feelings.)

11. Love - Sex is free choice growing out of caring & friendship.
Toxic love - Pressure around sex due to insecurity, fear & need for immediate gratification.

12. Love - Ability to enjoy being alone.
Toxic love - Unable to endure separation; clinging.

13. Love - Cycle of comfort and contentment.
Toxic love - Cycle of pain and despair.

Love is not supposed to be painful. There is pain involved in any relationship but if it is painful most of the time then something is not working.

{source}

A More Relaxed and Light Travel

Husband and I are going on a short trip tomorrow and for the first time, we are traveling light.

Define traveling light. We are only bringing 1 DSLR with a Flash, 1 Point and Shoot Cam, 1 Tripod and 1 Handycam. We won't be bringing a 2nd DSLR, our Lomography cameras and...(drum roll please)...the laptop!!!! When I realized we won't be bringing the laptop, I'd have to admit that I felt kinda scared. I can live without the internet but I'm worried about not being able to download our photos as soon as we arrive in the hotel after a long day of exploring and shooting. That's just me being paranoid hehe.

However, the Husband and I have agreed that it's about time that we do a more relaxed and light traveling (a.k.a. not bringing all our gadgets) for once. Ang una ngang dare ay wag magdala ng DSLR, point and shoot lang. But with the kind of P&S we own right now, hindi umubra.

Why are we doing this? Simply because, we've been wanting to have a vacation wherein we won't have too much "photographing" to do. Our travels in 2008 were very well-documented and well-organized that we explored and took photographs of every corner of every place. But this time, we are looking forward to a more relaxed vacation--in the sense that we won't have to click the camera every minute and we won't have to be stressing too much on packing gears whenever we go out. I swear, hindi talaga biro ang mag-travel na may photography ka pang iniisip.

A more relaxed vacation also means that we don't have much of an agenda on this trip. We have two scheduled dinners (one was because we needed to reserve and the second was we're meeting a friend) and a musical to watch (which we needed to buy tickets in advance). Other than that, we don't have any planned itinerary---I don't even have an idea where we'll have my birthday dinner! The only plan we have is that WE WILL FOLLOW OUR SENSES, wherever our feet takes us, whenever we see something that will interest us, that's where will go.

And guess what? It's already 5:00pm now and we're leaving tomorrow and I haven't packed anything yet. Since we won't be gone long, we won't be bringing much clothes too. The only thing I got ready right now are our tickets and booking confirmations for the trip. Yay me for being so relaxed! hehe.

Weekend Snapshot: 3-in-1 Party! :)

Housewarming Party.

Anniversary Party.

Birthday Party.

All in one day!

Saturday was spent with our couple friends as we officially welcomed them in to our home and to celebrate our 2nd wedding anniversary and my birthday (both occassions happening this week!). 

The Husband and I were so happy to seem them all---it's been a long time since we've had an occasion where everyone was there.

We had a great time catching up, laughing our heart's out, playing with babies David, Caleb and Joaquim, playing Wii and of course, eating. :)

For more photos: Click here.

weekend-snapshot

A Trip Down To Memory Lane

The Husband has finally converted our wedding AVPs into MP4. These have been uploaded in youtube and vimeo but because we are celebrating our 2nd anniversary week, I'm sharing these videos with you my dear friends in the blogosphere.

There were three AVPS that were shown on our wedding day.

The first one was a tribute to our parents which showed our baby to adult photos. The song used was "Thanks to You" which truly describes how much we are grateful for the love our parents have given us. We love them so much, without them we are nothing.

The second AVP consisted of two songs: (1) Accidentally Inlove and (2) At the Beginning. The first song was a tribute to our friends and the second was our prenup photos taken by Mel Cortez. If you are a close friend ours, you might see yourself here.

The two songs in this AVP were both from two famous cartoon movies, "Shrek" and "Anastacia" respectively. Was it intentional? Yes and no. Yes because we wanted two songs that had a common denominator and no because it so happened that those two were really our favorites and best speaks of how we are as a couple.

Chris and Ivy Prenup AVP from Ibyang Sanchez on Vimeo.

And the last one, shown at the last bit of our wedding programme, the grand finale.

It was the Onsite AVP showcasing the events that happened from pre-wedding preps at the hotel to the Church ceremony.

These three videos will always remind us how far we've come, how much we have grown as individuals and to finally facing life together as a couple.

Litratong Pinoy: Asul

Ito ang aking lahok para sa Litratong Pinoy ngayong Huwebes na may temang ASUL.

Si STITCH na mula sa sikat na cartoon movie na "Lilo and Stitch" ay isa sa mga paborito kong cartoon character.

Ito ang pinaka-una kong Stitch na stuffed toy. Nang minsang nagkasakit ako at nang dumalaw ang aking ex-boyfriend (na ngayon ay asawa ko na) sa aming bahay, sinorpresa niya ako sa pamamagitan ng pagbigay nito. Hanggang ngayon na mag-asawa kami ay katabi namin ito matulog.

Ang pangalawa kong Stitch na bagay ay galing pa rin sa aking asawa. Ito ay isang key chain na binili nya sa isang souvenir shop sa Hongkong Airport nang siya ay mag-stop over mula Maynila papunta sa Dubai. Ito rin ang isa sa mga bagay na nagpapaalala sa amin na kami ay dumanas ng long distance relationship.

Ito namang Stitch na ito ay regalo sa akin ng aking pinsan na si Patrick. Espesyal ito dahil binili niya pa ito sa Hongkong Disneyland. Tuwang-tuwa ako nang matanggap ko ito dahil kahit munting bata lang (anim na taong gulang palang siya noon) ang aking pinsan ay nakuha niyang maalala ako.

Ang pinakahuling item sa aking Stitch mini-collection ay ang stuff toy na "Stitch and Angel" kung saan magkayakap si Stitch at ang kanyang kasintahan na si Angel. Nakita ko ito sa isang toy store sa Singapore nang kami ay mag-stopover doon last year. Pinapaalala naman nitong stuffed toys na ito na sa wakas ay magkasama na kaming muli ng asawa ko dahil nang mabili namin ito sa Singapore, pabalik na ako ng Sydney mula Dubai na kasama ang asawa ko.

Maligayang Huwebes!

Great Find: Sandwich Container

Last month, some bloggers and I were sharing tips on how to effectively wrap sandwiches (click here.)

Since I lived here in Australia, I learned to like wrapping our sandwiches in aluminum foil, it's easier to wrap sandwiches and it never makes it soggy. However, I also know that aluminum foil is not environment-friendly and can be costly.

During the Christmas Holidays, I finally found a solution to wrapping sandwiches...

...a Plastic Sandwich Container!!!!!!

I found this in the Chinese Store for only AUD$2.00. It's microwave safe and re-usable. What joy to find a cheap alternative to wrapping sandwiches.

This sandwich container can hold two sandwiches. Not bad huh?

I started using it last week and I'm happy to say that leaving my sandwiches inside the sandwich container does not leave it soggy and it prevents my sandwich from being squeezed in-between stuff inside my bag. And best part is, it lessens the use of aluminum foil in our home, so less costs for the household.

Weekend Snapshot: Friday Dinner Date with the Husband

Husband and I met up after work on Friday to do a little bit of grocery shopping. Hungry and tired after the task, we decided to have dinner before going home.

Usually we'd eat at a food court but last Friday, I was craving for two things: (1) Caesar Salad (which I always crave for during Summer season--I don't know why!) and (2) a place where we can have a quiet meal, away from crowds. So from Town Hall station, we walked a bit and saw this cute and cozy cafe, Caffe Di Gabriel.

The cafe is a bit new. They have these beautiful chandeliers and I find it cute.

This was my fave chandelier in the cafe.

Now for the food. Husband and I both shared their Fettucini Amantriano (can't exactly remember the name) and Grilled Chicken Caesar Salad.

The Fettucini Amantriano was good. I loved it. It's similar to Arrabiata.

The Caesar Salad's also good. A bit different from the Caesar Salads' I've tried, no bacon strips or bits but instead it has this big bacon on top of the salad. Toasted bread was oily, methinks it's been fried(?) but that's just me. And it didn't have croutons--so I love it!!!

The Husband loved the food too and was elated to know that the cafe has free Wi-Fi. Yay!
We enjoyed the dinner immensely not only because of the food. It's only been a week after the New Year but we're full on working on a lot of stuff (work-wise and household-wise) so sometimes even if at home, we talk "business" most times these days. There are several things that we hope to happen on the first half of this year, so we're working things out now so it does happen (fingers crossed!). So the dinner did us good. Husband and I were so busy during the week, it was good to catch up, sit back and just talk.

weekend-snapshot

Friday Thought Bubbles

I've got so many things on my mind, I just need to unload some so pardon the randomness.

• First week of the New Year and our clan is saddened by the demise of a family member, one of my uncles. It was very sudden and we're all in shocked when it happened. *sigh*. Our hearts are grieving with my aunt's and cousins' loss.
• This month is my birthday month and our anniversary!!!
• I'm looking forward to my time off work a week after next.
• I'm thinking of going on a blog hiatus. A little part of me is getting tired. However, this morning I also realized that the reason why I write and share information via the blogosphere is because teaching/training is innate in me---I have a passion to teach...and other than work, it is via the blogosphere that I have the opportunity to teach, and that's why I love writing now more than ever.
• I'm glad it's Friday today! I congratulate myself for being able to come to work for five days straight (it's not easy when you're used to working four days a week sometimes). The first week after the Christmas/New Year Holidays is always the hardest. It's like my mind lacks its usual organizational skills or something. I get to finish tasks but I'm a bit slow, my mind keeps wandering somewhere. The good thing is, I like being at work and I love what I do.

Okay, back to work.

Litratong Pinoy: Pula

Ito ang aking lahok para sa Litratong Pinoy ngayong Huwebes na may temang PULA.

Ang nakakahiligan kong inumin ngayon ay ang PULAng Alak (Red Wine). Simula nang kami'y pumunta sa Hunter Valley, halos araw-araw ay umiinom na kami ng aking asawa ng red wine. Natutunan kasi namin (nang kami ay mag-wine tasting sa Hunter Valley) na ang red wine ay mayaman sa antioxidants at nakakatulong na makaiwas sa coronary heart disease. Ang red wine ay maganda din daw na anti-stress drink.

English Translation:

This is what I like drinking nowadays. Since my husband and I went to the Hunter Valley, we've been drinking red wine almost everyday. We learned (during the wine tasting in Hunter Valley) that red wines are rich in antioxidants and helps in preventing coronary heart disease. It was also mentioned that red wine is good as an anti-stress drink.

New Year 2009

A 5-million show. With a theme of Creation. 12-minute never-before-seen fireworks. 15 months of planning to showcase the world's greatest pyrotechnique display. 1.5 million Sydneysiders and tourists from all over the world. Nobody does the New Year's celebration the way Sydney does!

-o0o0o-

The first time I've witnessed Sydney's New Year Fireworks was in 2002. At that time, I was with my cousins, at a certain bridge in the City, far away from where the fireworks was but we can still see the fireworks nonetheless, and feel the spirit of the new year coming in. At that time, it was just us cousins with bottles at hand, laughing and drinking while watching the spectacle above us...no cameras, no mobile phones, no hi-tech gadgets...our eyes solely watching, our minds capturing every sparkle and putting each "photograph" into our memory. It was one of my most cherished experiences when I visited Australia for the second time. It was remarkably beautiful.

-o0o0o-

This year, as much as I'd like to spend New Year's at home (like I always do), I decided to take the Husband to the City to see the 2009 Fireworks. Since I have cherished memories of how Sydney celebrates New Year, I'd like for him to experience it too. So on new year's eve, off we went to Mrs. Macquaries Point, hopeful to get a good spot.

Before leaving home, I prepared at little something on our dining table so the house "can welcome" the new year too. I got this tradition from my mom--gathering up 13 fruits for prosperity. She also told me to have a bowl of rice with coins and another bowl with garlic cloves in it. According to her those are all symbols of prosperity and money.

We arrived at Mrs. Macquaries Point, a little before 3pm. Thank goodness for our friend Jon for being early or else, it would took us ages to get inside. By the time we got in, the good vantage points were all taken. If not for Jon patiently roaming around the place, we wouldn't be able to get a spot that has a little bit of view of the Sydney Opera House and Harbour Bridge.

For the next eight hours, we hung out there and waited. The sun shone brightly, most people sunbathe. Us? We setted up our umbrellas and tripods to shield us away from the sun. The waiting was long but playing with our cameras and watching Big Bang Theory on my iPod helped to pass the time.

We also made friends with some of our "neighbors". We were surrounded mostly by tourists (I kinda find it funny to say "tourists" when I myself feel like a tourist here sometimes) from Germany and UK. When they asked us where we're from, they actually thought we were tourists too and that we're visiting Sydney just to spend new year's here.

We brought sandwiches, chips and bottles of water. Chris bought beer. We drank water and beer, ate a bit. But we were never really hungry. For some reason, we somehow lost the appetite to eat. Maybe it was because of the heat, and we're a bit tired from carrying our gears. Or maybe we're just anxious to see the fireworks.

At 9pm, the Family Fireworks lit up the sky for about 7 minutes. It was followed by the Harbour of Light Parade wherein 55 vessels made their way around Sydney Harbour. The ships illuminated emblems which represented this years theme: CREATION.

Quarter to midnight, we got ourselves and our gears ready for the nth time. Cameras and lenses, check. Tripods, check. Handycam, check. Excitement and antipation, check!

Note: Chris and I never really used our tripods though. Initially, Chris was to use a tripod but he gave it up and stood up with me and moved around. Hence, all our fireworks photos were handheld. Maybe if we had a more comfortable vantage point, we could've maximized our resources but we had to do with whatever space we had that time.

Ten...nine...eight..seven...six...five...four...three...two...one...(an additional second)...and the fireworks began!!!!!!!!!

This year's theme was CREATION which was designed to encourage everyone to think of where they came from, where they are now, and where they are going, as individuals and as a community.

The best part of the fireworks is always the finale where the Harbour Bridge is enveloped with a myriad of colors and sparkles.

And by the end of the fireworks production, the CREATION symbol was finally revealed: A SHINING SUN.

As I watched the finale unveiled before me, it reminded me of this bible verse:

Then God said, "Let there be light"; and there was light. - Genesis 1:3

I have initially compared the New Year 2008 fireworks to this year's celebration and thought that last year's was more grand (because last year was Sydney's 75th anniversary, so why not?) but as the last bit of the New Year 2009 Fireworks unfolded before my very eyes, I realized that no matter how many times I've seen Sydney's New Year Fireworks, each experience will always leave me in awe, because Sydney makes sure that each celebration is beautiful and spectacular in its own way.

We left for home at nearly 2am. As we were at Hyde Park, we saw a Kebabs Station still open and finally we felt really hungry and so our first meal for the New Year was a Beef Shawarma. Our train ride home was crazy! There was so many people going home and there were delays but we were all in high spirits so it wasn't so bad. At exactly 4am, we were home.

For more fireworks photos, click:

Chris and Ivy Sanchez's New Year 2009 Fireworks Collection

Playing with Shutter Photoblog

Jon Dael's awesome photos

Jon Dael's New Year's Eve Countdown

Some tips to enjoy the New Year's Eve celebration in Sydney, Australia:

• New Year's in Australia is Summer season, so wear lightweight clothes. To be more sure of what the weather will be on the day of the fireworks, check http://www.weather.com.au/
• Wear shoes if you will be hanging out at the park to protect you from dirt, drink spills and broken glasses
• Plan well by checking websites concerning the celebration.
• If you plan to hang out at no-entrance-fee vantage points, be early. Some venues open at 10am.
• Bring food and beverages. Alcoholic drinks in some parks are not allowed.
• Bring something that will entertain you while waiting (i.e. playing cards).
• Be ready for big crowds in the City at this time. Even train stations are congested.

Weekend Snapshot: Working on the Sydney's New Year Fireworks Album

This weekend, I found some time to work on the photos I will be publishing for my Sydney's New Year Fireworks Photoblog. Since I was also busy with organizing stuff at home, I wasn't able to finish working on the album. I can only share this photo for now.
And with this photo, let me also greet all Weekenders a happy new year!
weekend-snapshot

-o0o0o-

Weekend at home was quite busy due to our goal of turning our "storage room" into a real guest room. When we moved in to our unit, we put all our boxes and luggages that need sorting and organizing in the guest room (that's why we call it a storage room for months). Over the Christmas break, we were able to sort out our clothes, bags, shoes and important documents. We're not yet done but at least we can now see a space where we can put a bed. :)

Oh, and we were able to put away our Christmas decors too! :)

Thank You 2008!

Since I got inspired by the year-end thank you's I wrote last year (click! click! this please), I now look back once again on how this year has been good to me. I may have had dark moments but over-all the good surpasses (as it always does) whatever bad I have experienced this year.

My 2008 has been very eventful. If I were to describe it in one word, the first thing that comes to mind is MANIC--simply because the significant things that happened to me this year has either been ecstactically joyful or painfully sad (walang tulak-kabigin, lahat heavy-gat!). I looked back on my 2008 this morning, I shed a few tears because every event, both good and bad, beautifully happened for a reason, each one teaching a valuable lesson.

As I start my 2009 today, let just say my thank yous to 2008:

Thank you for (finally) bringing my husband home to me.

Thank you for the gift of a good marriage that is values-centered and has enormous faith in God.

Thank you for all the big and small milestones we achieved and for things falling into place. I'm grateful for every plan, every goal that has materialized.

Thank you for challenges I have faced. Each one difficult and at times painful, but has given me a tremendous lesson: that the world does not always revolve around me and that even if I was going thru hardships, I'm still (and will always be) capable of helping others.

Thank you for the blessing of special people in my life. My husband, parents, inlaws, relatives, friends. Each one of them has touched my life in so many ways.

Thank you for the gift of friendship. This year, there were several hellos and goodbyes with people. To the ones who said "Hello", know that I'm blessed to have met you. To the ones who said "Goodbye", thank you for being a part of my life--I will leave my door open incase you want to say "Hello" again.

Thank you for the gift of change and transitions. Sometimes nerve-wracking but always bringing out the best in me. It is thru these that I am able to discover strengths I never knew I was capable of.

Thank you for the gift of travel. With each place explored, I know more and I share more.

Thank you for the gift of photography and writing. Two things I love doing because I am able to show God's wonderful creations and share information that may be able to help other people.

Thank you for a stable and not-so-hectic career. There are days when work was so demanding but it was always worth it because work also gave me back days-off that I could enjoy and a flexible time so I'm able accomplish my personal goals. I will always be grateful that the career I have now gives me more time to be a Wifey than a careerwoman.

Thank you for the gift of good advices. In times when confused and looking for answers, it was thru words of wisdom shared by people around me that has made a difference.

Thank you for the value of fear. Some people may not see it as a good value, but this year, I have learned that it is if you put it into good use. Fear was one of those values that gave me courage to make a big change in my life.

Thank you for the gift of safety and good health.

Thank you for all the memories, big and small. They made me who I am today and has made me cherish every moment that I'm alive.

As I say goodbye to 2008, I feel that with all the things I've gone thru, I say hello to 2009 a bigger and better person (the same feeling I have whenever a year has gone by).

Happy New Year everyone! May your 2009 be kinder, happier and always full of love.

Highlights of my 2008:

January. My very own DSLR. Our 1st Wedding Anniversary. My 31st birthday. "Say it with Photographs" website is born.

February. Little Lenten Sacrifice. Chris' Spouse Visa Approval. Officially changed my name in Australia.

March. Problems with the Immigration regarding Chris' date of departure from Dubai. Getting ready for my reunion with the Husband: travel preps and office preps. My SWEET REUNION WITH THE HUSBAND. Arrived in DUBAI!!!

April. Explored Dubai. A taste of Abu Dhabi. Quick stay in Singapore. Back home in Sydney with the Husband (finally!!!). Chris' welcome party. Showed the Husband around the City of Sydney.

May. "Ibyang Doodles" website is born. A day at Blue Mountains. Chris' grandma passed away. La Perouse and Brighton Beach exploration with Hilda, Andrea and Toti. Celebrated 10 years of being an HR Professional.

June. On Board Kix Tavora's Team. Phantom of the Opera (The Musical).

July. World Youth Day 2008 (Australia). Billy Elliot (Musical).

August. Port Stephens Roadtrip. Snowy Mountains Adventure. Quick Stopover at Canberra. Blue Mountains Roadtrip. Fr. Fernando Suarez' Healing Mass.

September. Chris' Pre-birthday Party. False Alarm. Chris' Birthday. Chris' Post-Birthday Party. Dinner at Bahay Kubo with Friends. Trip to Berrima. Tulips Festival in Bowral.

October. Floriade Festival in Canberra. Approval of Australian Citizenship. Realizations. Bus Accident. Moving Day! Night Noodle Festival. Wine Tasting at the Hunter Valley. Halloween Night with the Kolokoys.

November. Meet-up and Lunch with Plurk Buddies Jo and Pen. Lunch Party for Our Relatives. Housewarming Party for the Kolokoys.

December. Christmas Chair Tree Lighting. Dear Pink. Chris Being Permanent at Work. Dinner at BBQ City. Dinner at Sagano. Wii Party. Christmas Eve Party. Our First Christmas Together. Sydney New Year's Eve Party!

Favorite articles I've written for this year:

• Surviving a Long Distance Marriage
• Wanderlust
• Pepper Lunch and Fashion Flower review
• Kami ay mga Batang Batibot
• Apple Store Opens in Sydney
• Glebe Cafes (Naggy's and Fair Trade Coffee Co.)
• World Youth Day Articles
• On Why I Will Never Say, "You Complete Me."
• 20/20 (A Golden Monthsary Special)
• On My Love for Reading Books
• Blue Mountains Chocolate (A Cafe Review)
• How To Get Along with Monday
• Pia's Interview

Blog Highlights:

• "A Wife's Charmed Life" has been featured in whatsikat.com a couple of times these year.
• I became part of the Paulo Coelho Virtual Exhibition.
• "A Wife's Charmed Life" celebrated it's first year.
• Revamp of "A Wife's Charmed Life".
• My post-22 article was featured in Big Day Plunge (you can read the article here.)
• My Mooncake Festival 2008 article was featured in Viloria.net (you can read the article here.)
• Received awards from Thet, Jannesse, Rachel, Edong, Pusa, Jhari, Julie, Mauie, Anne, Blue Rose, Techa (Thank you very very much for these!!! Have I forgotten anyone? If so, let me know so I can add and link you up).
• Won a raffle via Wifely Steps' Celebrate 5 Years with 5 Bloggers!

Click on the colored phrases to refer back to the articles.